If you've been reading me long enough, you know that I loathe lazy, stale, shopworn phrases and cliches, particularly in story headlines. (Seriously, the next time I read an "It's the ______, Stupid" headline, or, "Mr. _____ Goes to Washington," I will stick a fondue fork in someone's nads.)
I don't just hate them because they're stale. I hate them because the person using them either knows they're stale, in which case said person might as well say, "You're not worth my coming up with something fresher," or, even worse, the person does NOT know the thing is stale, but instead thinks it's a shiny nugget of rhetorical gold that he or she has just plucked from the river. In that case, the staleness is compounded by an almost complete lack of cultural- and self-awareness. The combination of the two is enough to make me want to smack wannabe showers of money ("Show me the money!") and round-trippers ("I'll be back") in the ear with a meat tenderizer.
What am I prepared to do about this? Lead by example: Effective immediately, and through March 6, 2013, it will be the policy of this blog to avoid tired cliches, weather-beaten phrases, overused tropes, flaccid figures of speech, hidebound analogies, stale sayings, etc.
So, just to give you a few examples of things I will no longer be able to say here:
- lead by example (yup, said it above);
- even a broken clock is right twice a day;
- even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while;
- spoiler alert;
- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree;
- if I had a nickel for every time...;
- "Interesting choice of weapon, Dr. Quest";
- down the rabbit hole;
- I swear, this has never happened to me before;
- it's a dry heat;
- he's like Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill;
- it's not the crime, it's the cover-up;
- if this were Japan, he would have killed himself already;
- it depends on what the meaning of the word "is," is;
- I was for it before I was against it;
- to each his own;
- better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick;
- I'm tired, but it's a good kinda tired;
- so you're telling me there's a chance...;
- I make a comfortable living;
- you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink;*
- kick the can down the road;
- Doh!
- tough row to hoe;
- toe the party line; and
- deficits as far as the eye can see.
That's it. This exercise starts now.
*I could, however, say, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Water, I mean." Also acceptable: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink water."
Footnote: This challenge does NOT apply to my Twitter account.