Planet Utah

The weird thing about Guinness

I don't know much about business, but I have noticed that most businesses do not subscribe to the "we do one thing, and we do it well" model. For example, the guy who invented those rotating perfect push-up things later came out with a travel version of the same product, and then came out with a perfect pull-up device. One assumes that he'll eventually come out with a perfect sit-up device, a perfect squat device, and a perfect screw-you-I'd-rather-be-fat device. Why? Because businesses--like relationships, as first noted by Woody Allen in "Annie Hall"--are like sharks: they have to keep moving forward or they die. (Woody says to Diane Keaton: "I think what we have on our hands is a dead shark.") If you only make one thing, customers may tire of your thing, or somebody may come along and make it better than you do, or a crazy lady in Peoria, Illinois may claim to have found a dead gerbil in your thing. As a business, making just one thing is a risky proposition. It's the classic case of putting all of your eggs in one basket.

Which brings me around, finally, to Guinness. In America, anyway, I've only ever seen one kind of Guinness: Guinness-flavored Guinness, on tap, in a can, or in a bottle. I've never seen a Guinness Light, a Guinness Winter Brew, a Guinness w/ a Hint o' Boiled Potato, or a Guinness anything else. It's always plain old Guinness.

Refreshing, but odd.

Brown Sugar

Reading my latest Consumer Reports, I see that one of the top-rated cocoa mixes (Ghirardelli Double Chocolate) contains 42 grams of sugar per serving. That's 10 teaspoons to you and me.

UPDATE: I mis-calculated. It's actually 8.8 teaspoons to you and me.

Tell the man where he can go

Yesterday, a friend of mine sent me a very scary email regarding Arizona's recently draconified DUI laws. (Yeah, I know that's not a word.) Somewhere in the email it said, basically: "Look, it's not worth driving after even a couple of drinks."

Because I've usually had a couple of drinks before even leaving the house, this could put a serious crimp in my social life.

I read some of the fine print in the email, though, and then I did some research on the Web. I discovered something interesting: if you get pulled over, you do NOT have to answer any questions (e.g., "Have you been drinking tonight?"), nor do you have to submit to any of the field sobriety tests (follow the light with your eyes, walk this line with your arms out, etc.) That stuff can and will be used against you if, say, your blood alcohol content is below the legal limit. The officer will say, "Well, he blew a .075, which is below the legal limit, but he was weaving on the road, he told me he'd had five beers, and he couldn't keep his balance during the field test. In my opinion, he was clearly impaired."

That's enough to convict you.

If you DON'T answer the questions, though, and you don't do the field test, all the cop has is you weaving and your blood alcohol content. That's a much weaker case, particularly if you're below the legal limit.

Footnote: by the way, you DO have to submit to the blood alcohol test. If you don't, you're going to lose your license and possibly get convicted of a DUI anyway.