Regular readers know that I've had a headache since February...a constant, 24/7, unrelenting headache. It has never gone away--not even for five minutes. It's just a question of how bad it is at any given moment.
I went to a new doctor (a neurologist) this week. She threw a bunch of stuff against the wall, but this one stuck, and it's still there now: "You can never have Diet Coke again. I'm talking about for the rest of your life. Maybe we'll get you to a point where you could have a little regular Coke without caffeine. But the brain does not like Diet Coke, so you can't have it any more."
Hearing this, I said, "Let's not jump to any conclusions here, okay? I mean, this could very well be a brain tumor, right? And if it's a brain tumor, I could still have Diet Coke, right? I'm just saying, if it's a brain tumor, we just take out the tumor, and I can keep on drinking Diet Coke, right?"
Some of you understand. (The rest of you are probably coffee drinkers.) Diet Coke is and does so many things. It's cold, it's fizzy, its sweet. It's readily available. It's a perfect way to take a break. It's a perfect way to treat yourself. It's a perfect way to pick yourself up when you're dragging. And all without guilt, because it's inexpensive and it has zero calories...
All of this must have registered on my face at once, because the doctor said, "I know, you're probably hooked on Diet Coke. But look, there are a lot of good alternatives. What about bottled water? Or apple juice? Or maybe even a sparkling juice or water?"
If I had been a black woman, I would have said, "Child, please." As it was, though, I just nodded glumly, seeing the future in my mind's eye--an empty stretch of road 30 years long; a road along which there are no rest stops, gas stations, or convenience stores; a road on which I will get thirsty, will feel down, will need a pick-me-up or a treat, but on which I will never again be able to enjoy a Diet Coke.