One thing (though definitely not the only thing) that bugs me about getting older

A while back I decided that I wanted to take Krav Maga training. It's a martial art first used by the Israeli Defense Forces, and then disseminated to lesser mortals. It doesn't involve any of the spirituality of the Asian martial arts. There's none of the stuff about "knowing this discipline means you'll never have to use it." There's no weird uniform, no Drunken Chicken poses, and no breaking of boards. Nobody wears a colored belt. You don't have to train for three years before you're allowed to make eye contact with your sensei. (There are no senseis, either.) In other words, there's no nonsense. It's just a very aggressive martial art designed to inflict maximum damage in the shortest amount of time possible.

So, today was my first Krav Maga training session. I was the oldest guy in a class of about 15. No problem there. In fact, I don't have a problem being older, weaker, dumber, more cowardly, less flexible, or any of those things. Here's what I have a problem with: being slower.

God, I hate that.

I had the same experience when I was boxing. It takes a ridiculous amount of time for a command to get from my brain to my fist, or my elbow, or my knee. My training partner was a kid in his mid-20s. He hit much, much, MUCH harder than I did. No problem. I'm older and weaker. But he hit so much faster, too. In fact, everything he--and everyone else--did was so much faster. For them it was just pop pop pop snap pop snap pop pop bam snap, all in rapid succession. For me it was pop......pop...... pop......

It's not that I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I did. I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. I just couldn't do it as fast as I wanted to...or as fast as I used to be able to.

After the class, the instructor asked me what I thought. Among other things, I mentioned my frustration at being so slow. He said, "You're learning. Give it time." I said, "You know, you seem like a nice kid. But you're what--10 years old, maybe 11? The only thing that's going to happen with time is that I'll  get even SLOWER. So, if you can't turn me into a killing machine in the next three weeks, the window will probably be closed forever."

A sad, painful truth.

Comments

[Michelle]

Maybe you should switch to the arts that has the philosophy of "knowing this discipline means you'll never have to use it." That way you'll never get shown up. They always have old guys teaching those classes.

Or join a class with toddlers. They have poor muscle control. You can also pick them up and move them as a strategy. You'll be the best in the class.

[Special Agent Johnny Utah]

Huh? Whose side are you on here? I have every intention of aging gracelessly.

[Michelle]

I think my suggestions are good if you want to age pathetically.

(Don't break a hip.)

[Michelle]

Forget everything I said.

Just drink this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbxq0IDqD04

[Woods]

Don't the elders always ask the student's to grab the pebble from their palm to graduate? Perhaps you should assume that level. Another thing to keep in mind, Carradine looked good as an older man in the Kill Bill's...

[Woods]

Forget my comment above, we can't all be Uma Thurman. Michelle is right, just drink Brondo.